I’ve tried all week to write my next blog. The blog that comes next in the order of Ponder and Treasure. But try as I may, the words don’t come, the thoughts don’t flow, and the creative energy feels absent.
Then it hit me. The reason why I’m at a loss; a loss for words, a loss of meaningful thought, a loss of creative energy. The reason is grief. I’m grieving the loss of a friend, and there are no words.
Last week I learned that my friend Cynthia was killed by her husband who then turned the gun on himself. A homicide/murder in our little town. This doesn’t happen. And yet it did, to my friend.
I saw her almost every day as she blazed a trail past my office door into her own office with a calling to help bring others to a place of healing and wholeness. She had a larger than life personality, never met a stranger, and had unforgettable locks of curly red hair.
The week before she died, I watched her ride through the parking lot on her beach cruiser bike, hair flowing in the wind, grinning ear to ear, happy to be alive on her way to help another patient. This is how I will remember her.
This is grief. I know it well. There are no words. Only feelings and visions and a flood of memories and questions and often scarce answers. Grief forces you to take a time out. To ponder and treasure in reverse.
So this week I grieve the loss of my friend. I’ll miss the breath of fresh air she always brought in the room. Although our encounters were brief, they were plenty. I’ve replayed all our conversations in my mind, but the answers are scarce.
I don’t understand why, but I do understand where she is today. She is rejoicing in heaven with Jesus. She is free from pain and sorrow and sickness. She is healed by the Eternal Healer. She is everything she longed for her patients to be, at peace and made whole.
I love you and will miss you Cynthia. You are unforgettable!